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Veronika Bond's avatar

Another big chapter in this very complex series. The topics you are touching upon here alone could fill a library. As Jamie says, not easy themes to write about. Especially in the current explosive climate of birthing new species of genders and relationships.

The topic that stood out for me most is the passage on 'infidelity'. I am wondering whether, why, and how infidelity will still be an issue in a culture where gender and relationships are so fluid.

I'm coming from a culture (not by birth but by experience from early childhood onwards) where infidelity has been weaponised. On one hand it's totally ok, tolerated, and even expected (for men), on the other it's treated as the biggest crime, a deadly sin, an aberration that brings shame on the family and therefore punishable by death sentence (for women).

In my mind, infidelity is a religious construct planted into human hearts to make them believe they are 'sinners' when they even think of following their own hearts. I've seen children using this as a weapon to manipulate and control their friends (unrelated to sexual relationships). The concept breeds envy and jealousy, as you say. But both of these emotional currents are ultimately fed by a lack of sense of self.

When I am confident in myself, when I know who I am, secure in what I, my work, and my relationships are about, none of this would arise.

If on the other hand I have an agreement with someone, and they break the agreement, it's breach of trust and contract. That's disloyalty, betrayal.

The word infidelity highlights the concept that sexual relationships are often treated as separate from the relationship in general. This is puzzling to me.

A quote by Shya Kane springs to mind: "If you cannot be yourself in a relationship, you no longer have one." 

"Infidelity" happens (usually) in situations when the relationship is already broken, or non-existent. Infidelity is literally 'lack of faith'. Perhaps the person who is "infidel" has lost faith in the existing relationship?

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Jamie Millard's avatar

Wow Katerina! There is so much here. I will need to read it more than the three times I already have.

Relation-ships. Riding waves. Feelings, intensity, desires, wrapped up in our own unique flaws and limitations. Chasing illusions, connection and intimacy. Hiding. Jealousy. Tolerating insecurity. Creating. Together. A heArt. These are not easy themes to write of.

Thank you for the vulnerability to write for yourself and for giving us a gift of reflection. Am Learning and Growing with you. I look forward to the last chapter here and the next series.

🙏❤️

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