Understanding sexuality step by step. Learning and unlearning processes.

A summary of the processes involved in learning or unlearning one's sexual identity.

This is not a post about a specific subject; rather, its purpose is to provide structure, clarity, and vision in understanding sexuality and its vital role in our lives.

Table of content:
- What is introspection, individuation and how to unlearn sexuality
- Sexuality learning structure guide

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I believe that sex and romantic relationships are our current societal obsessions. I noticed in my humble neutral opinion that they serve as a mask for emotional starvation, misinterpreted emotions, and coping with life by pouring all the effort and energy into one singular cell family, an idealized, monogamous couple, often without questioning other forms of important relationships.

Exposing explicit sexual behavior as a performance and looking sensual goals only scratches the surface of what sexuality really is, and the majority of available educational material is on how to orgasms, how to get your partner attention, and top 5 sexual positions, topics related to sexuality, but they fall far short if we are not addressing the underlying issues.

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Unlearning sexuality:

Understanding your behaviors and responses starts with introspection.

Based on my personal journey and what I've learned over the years actively working on myself that knowing one's past, habits, and behaviors, patterns can create new neural connections that lead to changes in our attitudes, way of seeing life, change our energy level, and even our body's hormonal balance when we start actively making new choices or trying different paths. The first small step is to establish, create an environment favorable to engaging in introspective exercises in order to gain insight into how you operate in the world.
Certainly, assessing family history and personal experiences related to sexuality, safety, and abuse is crucial for understanding and addressing one's own beliefs and behaviors.

Here's how to incorporate that into the learning and unlearning process:

Examine and observe family psychology and sexual attitudes.
As a woman, observe your mother, grandmother, or other female authority figures.
In how they choose or not choose life partners, whether they have had abortions, suicidal inclinations, how they express happiness, love and affair patterns, attachment patterns, emotional and physical abuse, and body language.
This can help you comprehend your feminine energy and the concept of sameness. Our Mother's wounds are the most difficult to repair since Mother is the source of life, our primary nurturer, and we are mirrored while feeding from her breasts, which is our first contact with life and our guardian. Having Mother wounds can create deep emotional conflicts.
Observing your father figure and men figures around you can help you understand your relationship with the opposite, with the different and how they relate to you can influence your emotional development and also your sexual identity.
We need our Father figure, (masculine energy) because he can provide structure, set limits, and have the different energy we need in life in order to find balance and feel safety.

Mother- receiver, nurture, unconditional love, softness, warmth, womb.
Father figure- giver, limits, structure, safety, physical force, separation, penetration.

For men. Observe how your family's male figures interacted, wielded power and authority, expressed emotions, and demonstrated manhood and behavior toward women, respond to adversity, and celebrated life.
Investigate extra authorities: teachers, neighbors, and friends.
How has their life philosophy influenced your internal dialogue—were you encouraged to be yourself or silenced? Or maybe both.
Look for details and notice how you may find yourself defending your childhood memories.
For men Mothers represent the opposite primordial energy, the fascination for different and endless resources. The softness of a Mother is very important for a men, they learn how to integrate their emotions and if she is unconditional he will build trust and self confidence.
Within the context of separation-individuation, the father is seen as an attachment figure who plays a unique role in both activating and supporting the child's negotiation of the separation-individuation subphases.

This is a difficult task to observe your family patterns because we have a tendency to romanticize and idealize our parents and memories of our times together as a means of surviving and not wanting to recognize what was actually going on. To realize that maybe we got overlooked, that things were not so rosy, and that our parents are just regular people with their own emotional baggage.

We may ask some questions to find out our deep subconscious feelings and experiences.

• How did you arrive (born) in your family? Were you a wanted child or unplanned?
  Who took care of you and how?
  Were you a beloved, embraced, and adored child?

• How did your caretaker interact, look at, and play with you during bath time or feeding time?

• How did you perceive your nudity—with guilt, with shame, or when you were free to celebrate yourself running around naked?

• How did you find out about menstruation (for girls) or ejaculation (for boys)?

• How do you feel or not feel pain, pleasure, and self-pleasure?
  How did you walk, talk, or feel around your main authority figures (parents, teachers)?

When we begin to ask questions and get answers, we may experience profound distress, not just for ourselves, but also for those around us in whom we have put so much faith. I recall how upset I was when I stopped blaming my father, or mother for most of my unmet wants.

Sadness is a part of growing, maturing, since when we accept our circumstances, we gain power and are no longer protected by the belief that someone else is responsible for our well-being; when we stop blaming, it is difficult; it is no longer everyone else; we are alone and responsible for our lives.

Many individuals get caught blaming others for what happens to them, but genuine individuation only occurs when you are solely responsible for your reaction.

Another crucial part of introspection is recognizing what did not exist for us. We may get fixated on what happened to us, never examining what was lacking for us: the missed attention, the missing celebration of our accomplishments, the absent love, the missing embraces. We can cultivate them now, fill in the gaps; it is important to recognize the gaps so that we may fill the present with compassion and love.

We cannot compare our wounds; it is not a competition; everyone experience pain different, and we have the right to feel wounded and grieve over our experiences. Nobody should take this from you, minimize your pain, or justify it. When you reach adulthood and have the ability to make your own decisions, you are solely accountable for your life. This does not imply that you should forgive or ignore the hurt done to you; rather, it simply means that it is up to you to choose how your life will unfold.

As you begin your journey or progress in moving forward, creating, slowly building your ideal life, you go forward in deconstructing aspects of your personality, your unique way of responding to reality. Observe how essential necessities such as food, health, and relationships are or are not addressed, and if you are having difficulty meeting basic needs, investigate why. We may deny ourselves success because of an unconscious fear of being separated from our family or because we do not believe we deserve to be comfortable.

- Do you recognize, freely express, and label your emotions?
- What are your desires and why?
- Do you connect with what you do for a job, your position, and the labels you place on yourself? Ego-related questions.

Taking tiny steps toward evaluating your current situation might include asking further questions based on your obtained knowledge of your own personal past.

- Are you living the life you want or desired?
- Do you feel alone or misunderstood, do you have positive and healthy relationships, or both?
- How do you handle love and intimacy, and how do you form attachments?
- You can create limits and boundaries with others around you or you find yourself give away your power in order to maintain harmony?
- What role does your family have in your everyday life?
- Do you depend on them economically or emotionally?
- What is your mental monologue while looking in the mirror, and how do you interact with your body?
- How do you care for your physical and mental well-being?

With these questions in mind, we may investigate our role in society and how our present situation affects our well-being. The ripple effect is a real effect, and we can make a difference by considering our unique place in society. It is not a fixed; even if we do not agree with the majority, we may find methods to express ourselves; society is not an unchanging entity.

It is a universal reality that our culture and society serve as a mirror, reflecting back our current position and providing many useful answers about how the majority think and react. When we look at the society in which we live, we can discover some very interesting facts about ourselves.

Learning about sexuality. Rethinking everything.

Rethinking all we've ever known about sexuality is the first step toward understanding what it truly is.
"We can not see, because we have opinions of what we see."

• Rethinking how we build relationships.

• Rethinking romantic relationships as the holy grail of relationships.

• Rethinking marriage.

• Rethinking our sexual experiences.

• Rethinking monogamy.

• Rethinking infidelity.

• Rethinking our sexual orientations.

• Rethinking how we see other individuals.

• Rethinking the role of religion in our lives.

• Rethinking what we desire.

  
  What I mean by "rethinking everything you know" involves creating a practice of examining what is and is not pleasant, healthy, and just right for you. The basis of your happiness lies in your ability to examine everything and agree or disagree with what you discover; simply learn to make as many conscious decisions as possible. That is your power!

Sexuality is our life force.

When you accept your sexuality as a state of mind and an integral part of who you are, beyond what society expects, you can truly express yourself in a genuine and intuitive way.

I plan to write a guide on sexuality

Either as an e-book or a paperback book, that comprehensively explores various aspects of our lives from psychological, social, historical, mythical and spiritual perspectives, highlighting how they are interconnected.

Part one. Understanding sexuality, psychological, socially and historical.

I wish to emphasize the psychology of emotions, which I feel is essential so that we may better understand and identify our wants and desires.

It is critical to challenge our assumptions about how relationships work, why grief is so important, the role of trauma, and how to develop the unique natural sexuality that awaits us to explore.

There is a latent force in all of us that we often keep hidden without realizing it has the power to transform our lives.
Explaining with references and research how society influenced our sexual and relationship decisions, how we are actually pushed by social norms to fit in to molds, rethinking monogamy and infidelity.
Including the significance of a well-regulated neurological system, biological facts, neurology and neural pathways, as well as endocrinology, cortisol, and other hormones that influence our health is a must.
Body facts, how trauma is stored in your body, and how our bodies might reflect our present psychological condition by being ill, particularly when we fail to resolve our internal psychological conflicts.
Spirituality and ancestral knowledge is also important, mythology and the understanding of archetypes and teachings from history.
Not ending the list without highlight the importance of Art, creation in our well-being.

Part two: sexuality exploration, power play, fantasy and kink, biology and historical facts.

This section will discuss how we express our sexuality, how being sexual is our natural condition, and how our bodies operate.

Cultural differences and the biology of our sexual organs.
Making fantasies a reality: what are fantasies, and why do we necessitate eroticism, sensuality, and oily massages?
Sex may be painful in a good or bad way.
Self pleasure, foreplay, submissive, or dominant sex.
Definition of a dominatrix and power play.
Role play and other sensual tools for having a great time while discovering what you like.
Historical perspective multicultural on sexual exploration, covering everything from sex positions to rituals that might help us feel satisfied.

This is simply a brief description of how I believe all of my research will come together in an organized, structured, helpful ways for the reader to have a better image of what sexuality may be.