Trauma. Sexuality as Self-Reflection. Body/Mind Dissociation state.

The Need for Rest

Sexuality is a mirror of our psyche, reflecting not only our biological characteristics but also the ideas, feelings, and experiences that form our sense of self.

It took me a long time to make the psycho-dynamic associations and recognize that everything I did and felt was a reflection of my inner life and how it was manifested in my day-to-day existence.

Patterns of unresolved issues continue to arise, indicating areas that require attention.

My overall well-being can be measured by the way I go through life, interact, attract, work, eat, or make love.

Psychological factors that can affect and predict the type of life we will lead include belief systems, internalized norms, societal expectations, and cognitive distortions (thoughts that lead people to perceive reality inaccurately).

I really believe that there is no way to ignore the link between sexuality and mental health.

In my efforts to write about sexuality, I hope to address difficult conversations, overlooked elements, delicate subjects, and challenging reading content. They are all connected in some way, and I think that each one contains the key to one's own inner freedom. By holding this symbolic mirror that reflects and shines back whatever is present in it, someone may identify and perhaps make a tiny change or see things from a different angle.

Knowing how trauma functions and how it affects the body and mind has been a major theme in my adult life.

I witnessed the dissociation, fog, and confusion phenomena firsthand for the majority of my adolescence and early adulthood, following traumatic events.

It is important to realize that trauma is defined by how events affect you, not just by what happens to you. 

Diverse responses result from the same event in different ways. Some people manage it better, some are deeply impacted, and some may never fully recover.

Trauma has long-lasting effects that the body may store for many generations.

Since I was the youngest member of my family, I wanted to break the generational chain. I took ownership of my life and set out to liberate myself, adopt new ways of thinking and acting, and ultimately distinguish between coping mechanisms that were natural to me and those that I didn't need to carry.

That's why I think it's critical to learn about family history and patterns. Only by separating what is yours and what you inherited can you clarify more about yourself, including attachment styles, dependency, beliefs, lifestyles, and even biomarkers like cortisol levels.

To put it simply, trauma is a psychological and emotional reaction to traumatic experiences that exceed a person's capacity for coping. It is essentially a journey of resilience, coping, and the progressive restoration of well-being. These incidents can be one-time, like a car crash, an attack, or a natural disaster, or they can be repeated, like long-term abuse or being around violence. Trauma frequently interferes with a person's feelings of security, trust, and general functioning, which lowers their quality of life.

The original meaning of the term "trauma" is diluted due to its excessive use in social media.

In social media discourse, the word "trauma" has become more prevalent and is frequently used to characterize a variety of demanding or stressful circumstances. Although it's a good thing to raise awareness about mental health, the term "mental health" may become less meaningful if it's used too often or in casual conversations.

The distinction between common stressors and situations that may have serious and long-lasting psychological effects may become more hazy as a result of this overuse, making it harder to define what exactly qualifies as a truly traumatic experience.

It runs the risk of trivializing the experiences of people who have actually experienced trauma, which could prevent them from getting the help and understanding they require. Maintaining its significance and fostering a more educated dialogue about mental health require the use of nuanced and accurate terminology.

Body and emotional dissociation

Disconnection from one's body and emotions can lead to dissociation from sexual experiences, which can affect arousal, pleasure, and the capacity to build strong emotional bonds with partners.

In order to find connection without fully experiencing the emotional vulnerability that comes with intimacy, some people who are experiencing dissociation may turn to sexual behaviors. Early in life, attachment patterns and relationships are established. Trauma that occurs during this time can cause problems in adulthood, making it hard to build relationships and have honest conversations. This will have an indirect effect on how well intimate relationships function.

A weakened bond with your physical self, your body's natural reaction, and your senses—including your sexuality—can result from dissociation. People may find it difficult to fully participate in and enjoy intimate experiences as a result of a diminished sense of sensory input, which exacerbates the already delicate nature of human connection.

The Need for Rest and Dissociation

A common symptom of dissociation is an unrelenting drive for success and productivity. A coping strategy that keeps people from facing their deeper emotions and feelings is the inability to sleep. In order to escape the cycle of dissociation, it is imperative to learn how to relax so that feelings can surface and the mind can clear.

A place of refuge for reflection is provided by rest. When people give themselves breathing breaks, they make room for emotional awareness.

In a state of rest, feelings can be felt and acknowledged, including ones that dissociation may have buried.

It is necessary to break free from dissociative patterns in order to progress toward rest, emotional awareness, and enhanced sexuality. Dissociation no longer serves as a protective mechanism for people as they prioritize self-care and embrace vulnerability, which opens up new avenues for authentic and free self-expression.

How I experienced dissociation

My mother's unexpected death when I was 13 caused dissociation, which in turn caused emotional parentification and intense sadness.

This incident shattered my already fragile childhood, which was characterized by the final years of the communist era, changes in social and economic conditions, and the collective status of the people. I spent years looking for harmony and serenity.

My workaholism was a symptom of trauma; I was always occupied. My energy has been greatly expended in juggling multiple roles and becoming financially independent since I was sixteen years old. I felt ashamed of my vulnerability, even though I was filled with experience from my early forced adulthood. I didn't realize how important it was to take care of myself and give myself permission to rest until much later in life.

I didn't feel like the protagonist of my life during this dissociative phase, like most people who go through similar experiences.

Even though everything seemed to be working, I was constantly exhausted and felt numb and foggy. Taking control and acting decisively was a difficult task. I had to put in a lot of work to escape the dissociative trap, which made me feel more like an observer than an engaged member of my own life. It took a lot of energy and a gradual restoration of my life to get out of this state, but it was all worthwhile because it put me on the path towards the direction I wanted to go.

I began to rediscover my true self and developed accurate identification skills for emotions and physical sensations through years of reading, effective therapy, and self-work, including counseling with a focus on transactional analysis. I'm proud of myself for persevering in my pursuit of inner freedom. I eventually came to a place where I now fully live in the present, with typical ups and downs along the way, having encountered the women and men essential to my growth and evolution.

It's possible to discover that you are much more than you may have realized, not less, as I've discovered when I take baby steps and gather some courage to look within. Many people worry that when they work on themselves, all the horrible things they are embarrassed of and afraid of will come to light. In actuality, it reveals the exact opposite—the amazing things you are capable of—and highlights your incredible resilience.

Knowing how trauma and sexuality are related is important, but it's also critical to proceed carefully when doing self-analysis. Aim to avoid the inclination to pathologize or over-analyze everyday incidents by being aware of the context.

Normal human uncertainties, fears, and inexperience shouldn't be classified as trauma-related problems since they are all part of the human experience.

It is crucial to understand that the mind uses dissociation as a coping mechanism to get through stressful or overpowering circumstances. Prolonged or severe dissociation may affect everyday functioning, even though it can offer a momentary escape. (Footer notes: expanded description and additional information regarding dissociation effects.)

The vital force may be more severely depleted by dissociation the longer it lasts, making people feel more like passive spectators in their own lives than active participants.

Your sexuality is an indicator of your life force

Real insights into areas that might require attention or conflicts that need to be resolved can be gained by carefully examining how you are currently experiencing life in all of its aspects.

By keeping an eye out for the patterns you find yourself in, you can pose questions that, when answered, might reveal the way to liberation.

Your sexuality is an indicator of your life force, reflecting the way you act, behave, and feel about yourself, as well as the kinds of relationships you build.

It sometimes seems like everyone's opinion everywhere you look is that something is wrong and needs to be fixed, but there is nothing fundamentally wrong that needs to be fixed. I contend that the important thing is to understand what happened to you and how you responded in order to ensure that it is in alignment with your life, rather than focusing on what is wrong.

It's acceptable to feel lost, to have minor fears, and to find life to be both difficult and straightforward.

It all comes down to how you learn to behave in the world and how you delve deeply into what is and is not truly yours through curiosity. 

Freedom also starts when you learn to take that nap when you need one and when you begin to look at yourself with compassion, the way you would look at a best friend in need.

I've created an instrument—an assessment sheet—that can offer direction and inspiration for taking the first step if you're curious and in need of some structure or a place to start. It's available for you to access here.

More about dissociation

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***Dissociation is a complex and subjective experience that can manifest in various ways, affecting individuals differently based on factors such as the type and severity of the trauma, personal coping mechanisms, and overall mental health. It is essential to note that the descriptions provided here are generalizations, and individual experiences may vary. Dissociation often involves a sense of detachment from one's thoughts, feelings, memories, or surroundings.

Here are some common ways people describe the feeling of dissociation:

The emotional numbness and cognitive fog associated with dissociation may lead to a sense of disconnection from one's emotions, making it challenging to truly experience joy, connection, or even navigate daily life with clarity. The persistent of dissociation as a coping mechanism may contribute to feelings of emotional emptiness, psychic and mental fatigue and a general sense of being groundless.

Depersonalization is a specific form of dissociation where individuals feel as though they are outside of their own bodies or that their bodies don't belong to them. It can involve a disconnection from one's physical self, often described as feeling like an observer rather than an active participant in their own life.

Similar to depersonalization, derealization involves a sense of detachment from the external world. Individuals experiencing derealization may perceive their surroundings as surreal, dreamlike, or distorted.

Dissociation can lead to a distorted perception of time. Some individuals report feeling as though time is passing unusually slowly or quickly, contributing to a sense of disorientation.

Dissociation may result in memory gaps, where individuals have difficulty recalling certain events or aspects of their experiences. This can be particularly prevalent during or after traumatic events.

Some people describe dissociation as entering a state of "automatic pilot" where they go through the motions of daily life without a strong sense of personal involvement or awareness.

Dissociation may involve a diminished awareness of physical sensations. Some individuals report feeling as though they are insulated from physical pain or pleasure.

Book & article recommendations:

https://eggshelltherapy.com/parentification/

"Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship"

by Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre

"The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk

"Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life" by Emily Nagoski

"What Do You Say After You Say Hello?" by Eric Berne

"Trauma, Bonding & Family Constellations" by Franz Ruppert