Madonna-Whore Complex simplified.
The effects of internalized misogyny on men and women.
Welcome to my 11th post! Covering the fields of psychology, science, art, and history, I have a deep desire to understand the complexity of the human mind and behavior. My posts are free and educational, but if you consider a paid subscription, I will be more than grateful. While I have based this article mostly on my own research and observations, I have used information from a variety of sources for reference, as you will find below. However, please be kind with gaps or shortcomings. Read it at your own pace and enjoy this moment of solitude and self-reflection.
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” C.G.Jung
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To explore who you are, you need action, reactions, and a try-and-fail process. Guide yourself through life with a strong set of values. That's why I find it so important to not stay only behind your ideas or your social etiquette that keep you safe and make you feel nice; rely on your brain activity to keep reinforcing yourself with the truth of what you see; it's important to observe yourself in society and get feedback; also be present in relationships; and to really watch life and what your intentions behind your action led to.
That's why I started learning how to write; living my ideas gives me motivation to compare what I thought I knew with what it is in reality. If you never wonder and remain hidden in your way of viewing things, you may be missing out on an opportunity to see more, to turn into a small ripple that will add to the social wave that may shift our collective perspective. I began learning to write for the same reason—living out my thoughts motivates me to contrast my perception of the world with reality. I'm glad I gave writing a go since it's quite soothing.
I chose to put together this post because of my real personal life experiences, and to express my opinion on Madonna-Whore Complex that is still prevalent in modern sexual dynamics and gender norms. I understand there is resistance to this topic since it examines our way of life in society and why it works so effectively.
I find it important to get this right, but at the same time, I'll do my best to point out only the main ideas and give resources so that everyone with an interest will read further. I'll be happy to provide even more resources; just write me and I'll answer.
This complex may seem like a Freud-era 19th-century sexism directed towards men, but in writing this article, I'm not attempting to be feminist; I don't hate men, and I never will; people are vulnerable and fragile regardless of their gender; this isn't about taking sides; rather, it's about acknowledging something as real life experience. We have the ability to take the things that make sense to us and move forward with improving both our own and other people's lives.
What is Madonna-Whore Complex and how did emerge?
Analyzing the Term:
Madonna is a pure, nurturing, mother figure woman.
A whore is a sexual women who participates and promotes promiscuous behavior.
The Madonna-Whore Complex is a male psychology construct that limits female sexuality by categorizing a woman as either pure and good, nurturing, kind, wife material or promiscuous and bad, whore, objects of sexual desires, mistress, which has a negative impact on all genders' mental health, sexual function, relational health, and intimacy.
Freud theorized that men with the Madonna-Whore Complex are unable to sustain feelings of sexual arousal for their partner because they cannot separate their romantic emotions with their loving feelings for their mother.
Freud quote: “Where such men love, they have no desire, and where they desire, they cannot love”
He add that men appreciate and respect their wives or girlfriends but eventually lose sexual attraction to them because they identify sexual desire with promiscuous women whom they can degrade, objectify, and treat disrespectfully.
This is the concept that prompted Freud to explain why men with the Madonna-Whore Complex experience sexual dysfunction in their romantic relationships.
Another argument and the oldest one (besides the Freudian one) is that the Madonna-Whore complex originated in Judeo-Christian religion.
Women are split into two categories: pure angels or sluts, establishing a culture in which women are tolerated and rewarded for being or posing as a chaste "Madonna" and criticized, evaluated, blamed, and even punished if they fall into the category of a sexually liberated "whore."
The MWC (Madonna Whore Complex) urges women to remain "pure", be viewed as unsuitable spouses and mothers, that women's fears about gaining a bad sexual reputation (risking their perceived morality and men's protection) and feeling shame about having sexual desires undermine women's sexual autonomy and jeopardize their emotional, physical, and sexual health.
How Does MWC & Misogyny Affect Women
Internalized misogyny in women could manifest in their thoughts and/or actions. For example, they may believe they need to change how they behave and appear in order for men to find them appealing.
Women obsessing about their looks may indicate internal anxieties, a desire to live up to expectations, and a gender ideal generally promoted as being sexy, sensual, or provocative or the pure, nice, good girls, perfect mothers.
Women may feel compelled to emphasize specific attributes, such as nurturing (Madonna) or sexual (Whore), this can make them feel uncertain about their sexuality and create anxiety especially for women who have been taught that being SEXUAL or EROTIC contradicts with being maternal, loving and kind.
The belief that women's sexuality should conform to men's fantasies and that women's desires are for men rather than for themselves is reinforced by internalized misogyny.
Internalized sexism in women may result to them in judging other women, putting down, criticizing, gossiping about, or punishing them for their sexual confidence, liberation, and freedom. This eventually harms all women, both the judges and those being judged.
Women may undergo dramatic appearance alterations to meet the sexual desire construct men seek.
Sexual objectification, another related construct, involves focusing on women's bodies, valuing them solely for sexual pleasure, and treating them as interchangeable instruments to satisfy men's demands. The MWC serves to explain which women ("whores") deserve to be objectified.
One of my posts discusses how changing your face and body only for aesthetics reason while being young and healthy might increase unhappiness and anxiety. Appearance may drive a man to pay attention, but those certain men will only look forward to other women's appearances if this is the major criterion for the connection, which is quite thin and unsustainble for a real relationship.
Further, women and girls report spending a great deal of time and energy on the selection, filtering and editing of the photographs they post of themselves (‘selfies’), striving to put forward their ‘best’ self (Bij de Vaate et al., 2018, Chua and Chang, 2016). As a result, although many images are ostensibly of peers (rather than models as in fashion magazines), Instagram ends up presenting unrealistic ideals for women and girls. In support, a growing body of experimental research has now demonstrated that acute exposure (10–15 mins) to such idealized Instagram imagery results in increased body dissatisfaction relative to control images.
More generally, it has been suggested that a highly sexualized aesthetic that borrows from pornographic imagery has become the norm for some Influencers (Gurrieri, 2021). Sexualized imagery draws viewers’ attention to particular body parts, such as breasts or buttocks (Fredrickson & Roberts, 1997), with suggestive bodily poses and facial expressions characterised by luring eyes and large pouty lips (Gurrieri, 2021).
Repeated exposure can lead women to internalise an observer’s perspective on their own bodies, a process termed self-objectification and characterised by habitual and constant monitoring of the body’s external appearance (Fredrickson & Roberts, 1997). At the trait level, self-objectification has been linked to a number of mental health issues, including body dissatisfaction, disordered eating, and depression.
Respect for one's own originality, as well as acceptance of our differences in appearance and expression, can help to sustain genuine partnerships. That is why I believe women should support one another and surround themselves with real-life mentors if they sense the need to embrace dangerous traits. If they talk about their vulnerabilities, they may discover that this is what makes them unique to the proper individuals who can care for their needs.
Simone de Beauvoir’s famous line from 1948, “One isn’t born, but rather, becomes a woman,” is one of my favorite lines because, in my own journey, I had to find the courage to create myself, find my own unique path, I owe this work to all the women that half lived their lives before me.
How Madonna-Whore Complex affects men
Men play an important role in repairing the impact of the Madonna-Whore Complex, which is based on patriarchal beliefs rooted in misogyny and frequently perpetuated by males.
Men who grow up to experience attraction based on the Madonna-Whore Complex and thus seek out women who align with these qualities are also reinforcing the sexual shame and this misogynistic norm.
Self-confident female sexuality represents a potential source of power over men: As gatekeepers to heterosexual activity some men fear women’s ability to use sexual power as a manipulative tactic to "unman" them.
Men's Madonna-Whore Complex can also affect other areas of life. Men's misogyny and mental health were examined in *a study. Men who scored higher on misogyny were more likely to be unemployed, under-educated, and depressed.
The Madonna-Whore Complex prevents males from having genuine intimate connections, which harms their mental, emotional, and relational health. The Madonna-Whore Complex limits men's view of women as objects to be subjugated, disciplined, and controlled rather than as valuable human beings. This may cause male resentment and sexual assault against women.
You can decondition yourself from misogynistic beliefs.
Take time to question and think deeply about your beliefs about sex and sexuality.
Determine who you are and what you believe about your sexual values. Make your own decisions based on these ideals, while allowing others to make their own decisions about their bodies and pleasure.
It is not degrading or shameful to enjoy sex. Women's sexual preferences are not something to be ashamed of; those who still do so are reflecting their own lives, not your own.
When you witness or encounter messages that dehumanize you, be true to who you are and remember that you have the right to complete autonomy over your own body and sexual orientation.
Seeking support and guidance for oneself in dealing with of sexual issues or questioning firmly held beliefs that might be keeping you from achieving fulfillment and closeness is a brave and self-loving choice. Intimate relationship problems, libido problems, orgasm difficulties, self-esteem, and increased sexual satisfaction can all be addressed with sexuality therapy.
Conclusion:
As you may have observed, I do not propose solutions in my writings; instead, I highlight and discuss my research interests and how they relate to the topic of sexuality. What I know at a human level is that unlearning is as important as learning; in some cases, unlearning is required in order to make room for a new perspective.
To be able to show up for life, which is full of both wonderful and dreadful things, and to deal with life on its own terms, learning to regulate and manage emotions is a critical component of any recovery or understanding of the life process.
What improves life, in my opinion, is the ability to work on your psychological flexibility, the ability to transform feelings into words and words into action, and the ability to constantly learn or unlearn new behaviors. Perhaps in a way that we have never experienced before.
I would want to highlight that some cultural norms are ethical and valuable for guidance. Walking around naked does not constitute an expression of sexual freedom if the circumstances does not allow for it. Following socially acceptable standards helps both ourselves and others. If you are vulnerable and in need of social acceptance, talk about it within safe spaces, share your feelings, get guidance, but, digital social public platforms, are not the right place to embrace your nudity, expose your body, promote body & sexual idealized altered photos or messages, or foster unhealthy attitudes that encourage body shaming; this is not a sign of healthy sexual expression, but rather exhibitionism.
Rather than viewing things through the lens of politically correct feminism or free expression, which inaccurately interprets any form of exposure as sexual expression or a right to free speech, we need to see (or learn to see) things for what they truly are.
Key terms are "curate" and "filter."
Not everything should be seen, as the saying goes. "Not everyone deserves to know your personal story." Instead, people must earn the privilege to value and cherish your words and body in order to recognize you for who you are.
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Resources:
The Second Sex is a 1949 book by the French existentialist philosopher Simone de Beauvoir, in which the author discusses the treatment of women in the present society as well as throughout all of history.
Links:
Men Who Perceive Women's Nurturance and Sexuality as Mutually Exclusive Endorse Patriarchy and Show Lower Relationship Satisfaction Link
The impact of gender discrimination on a Woman's Mental Health
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7152827/
Learning to detect sexism
Oh how I needed this. I am currently digging deeper into my insecurities surrounding sex. Surface-speaking, it’s about religious oppression in my first marriage that lasted 19 years, then leaving that sadness and being confronted by perimenopause and menopause and all their lovely gifts.
But I intend to find relief from the shyness that often paralyzes me in these later years and keeps me feeling a far cry from the sensual goddess that I truly am.
Eye-opening! Thanks for sharing these perspectives, I have a lot to learn :)